Grumpy Episode Review: Cutie Map

I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'M THE MAP! My map is much better than yours! My map can walk right through the door. Ok, so, reading about everyone's opinions of the season 5 premier, I'm seeing a lot of "it was...good...but not, like, grand scale evil good". They're right, in that the main villain here is not taking over the world, or shutting down the sun because it didn't pay its light bill. Or are they?

It starts off right where it ended last season (guess the Equestria Girls movies aren't chronologically canon). Twilight ponders the reasoning behind why everything happened the way it did. And I'm with her here. I don't remember if I said it in the season finale of season 4 (it was a LONG hiatus, and I'm lazy), but none of it really makes sense. There's a Tree of Harmony. Ok, good. It housed the Elements. With you so far. The return of those elements to the tree created a box with six keys. Ok, now we're getting weird, but at least the fact that there's six keys makes sense, since there's six elements. Those keys were obtained by doing completely random things that showed the ideology of those elements. Here's where it gets really weird. And has nothing to do with anything. This tree has been there for, oh, at least a thousand years. Can we say that? Actually, yes, we can, because they used the elements from the tree to defeat Discord, before Luna went Nightmarish. That means that these elements from this tree were attuned that long ago to ponies that didn't exist. Except, Luna and Celestia used them. So the owners can change. But each "key" was specifically tied to the characters that obtained them. Meaning, this tree had some foresight into each pony and who they were. I don't feel that even in a magical world as this, that that's possible. But we're not done. That box was opened to create...a castle? A castle. Why? Really, why? Why did the Tree of Harmony create a locked box with a castle inside? Again, this was something that had to have existed a LONG time ago. It just all feels...random.

So the castle has a secret, a...MAP! That shows the group where to go to spread friendship. Hey, again, we're back to "how did the tree know"? Hell, Luna and Celestia were the first to use the elements (that we know of). They sure weren't the princesses of friendship. And they might have already had castles. This entire scene seems setup to explain more things than necessary. Each character has a one-liner at times, to indicate to the audience, "hey, that's my personality". Amidst all the exposition, and it feels like it should be a season 1 or season 2 premier, not season 5. Hey, at least we know Pinkie has living parents. Oh, and Spike and Big Mac enjoy football. And, apparently, Big Mac enjoys arguing about it, according to Spike. I like the reference, because I'm a huge football fan, but adding this part in felt really forced. Like, "hey, we're the only two relevant guys on this show. Let's talk about hoofball because that's a GUY'S thing". I think you can be more subtle.

So, on to the village. Pinkie sneaks ahead, which is a nice callback, in a way, to It's About Time. Something more significant here happens though. She ends up under a much bigger rock, and lifts it up. The animation clearly shows her struggling, and she even makes a small grunting noise. Why does this matter? Well, animated shows have a tendency to allow for physically impossible things to happen, and a lot of Pinkie's antics are chalked up to "it's a cartoon". However, here we see her using actual physical strength to lift a large rock. Pinkie has some physical strength. Which we should know because she lived on a rock farm, and as an earth pony should be stronger, but we never really see it clearly like this. So, each house in the village looks the same, like some kind of suburbia...thing. I love the idea that Pinkie can immediately tell that the smiles are fake. I think this also helps establish a new part of Pinkie. We see her being a detective in more than one occasion on the show. She sucked at it, but still. It's obvious it's something she tries to do. Pinkie Pie the investigator sounds like a good name. Oh wait, all the ponies have the same cutie mark, and equals sign. Huh.

Rainbow Dash is hoping to fight some horrific monster. Wait. These episodes feature a much less physical threat than usual for two-parters on this show. Is this some kind of weird meta thing where the writers are addressing the audience about something they're going to get mad at even though they don't know it yet? That's heavy, man. At least Fluttershy loves it. Hmm. Fluttershy loves it a little too much. Actually, even watching this the first time, this felt a little off-character for her. Sure, they're being pleasant, but they're ignoring the fact that Pinkie Pie is calling them out on something fake. She also seems to not notice that this place is basically in the middle of a desert. No woodland critters to enjoy while she's here. So, the villagers are all super friendly. But they don't seem to have a name for the village. And Pinkie Pie's Hamlet reference (mostly) seems to add to that fact. The group gets taken to the leader of the village, Starlight Glimmer, who....huh. I mean, it kind of made sense for Sunset Shimmer's name to be kind of opposite Twilight's. She was a former student of Celestia, and basically Twilight's...well, opposite. Here, it doesn't really seem to fit to name Starlight so closely with those two. Unless there's some really huge reveal coming up in the next season or two where the three of them are some kind of chosen ones that can only stop the biggest evil that exists. Or maybe they're all secretly related. I don't know.

A song? Huh, I was not expecting that. It sucks, though. I'm not sure if that was intended. It's barely a song. It's almost a poem. "This town, this city, this crowd
Stand up on your feet put your worry down". Oops, wrong song. That one's actually good.

And here we have the main problem with these episodes. Everything just keeps getting repeated. Fluttershy loves their friendliness. Pinkie doesn't trust their smiles. And Starlight's first speech about why they are the way they are. Get used to it, it's all gonna happen again and again.

The group argues in front of their waitress, which is something I'm sure happens way too often, and I feel sorry for people that have to be uncomfortable through that. The waitress is confused, because she thinks the disagreement would cause their friendship to end. Which I don't really understand. This village is all about being equal and friendly. It does not fit into the scheme that an argument would cause a friendship to end.

More Pinkie Pie character development. Sugar Bell, the waitress, pulls one of those "meet me in the alley in a hour. Come alone" kind of things, so they get Pinkie to distract everyone by eating her terrible muffins. Applejack comments that she has to do it because she has the strongest stomach. I guess it's something we would know by now, but it's not something that's been made clear. Pinkie could probably eat anything. Like, hey, rocks. Or cardboard, as she notes.

So there's a secret society of 'we hate this life" ponies. They reveal that their cutie marks are being held in a cave where Starlight removes them. They visit this vault, where the "Staff of Sameness" lies, the item Starlight uses to remove the marks. Starlight forcibly removes the group's marks, which is weird because she just beat Twilight in a casting contest. Scene.

The group is locked up in a house, while a loudspeaker with Starlight's recorded voice attempts to convert them. This has extra layers of creepy on it, to the point where I'm starting to wonder if I'm still watching a kids' show. We watch the group succumb to their new "cutie marks", and begin to lose their entire identity. After some time, Twilight figures out a plan. To have Fluttershy fake conformity, which is very reminiscent of high school. Starlight lets them out to test their conformity. No shackles, no chains, no cages, nothing. They're not even surrounded. Why can't they just make a break for it? Honestly, as much as I love Fluttershy, it seems like a better idea than trusting her to do it on her own. The group willingly reenters the building, while Fluttershy agrees to join the community.

Fluttershy is great at sneaking around at night. I mean, talking to yourself is a great way to not get caught... But hey, she succeeds. Starlight is keeping the group's marks at her place, and Fluttershy finds out that Starlight still has her original cutie mark, and is only faking the equal mark.

The next morning, we repeat the process of letting the prisoners out without any kind of constraints. It's...a trap! Starlight's real mark is revealed, and Fluttershy needs to work on her sneakiness. The town rebels, as they rightfully should. Starlight's staff was fake. They break the vault, obtaining their original marks. But, we still have to get the mane6 marks back! Starlight takes off, and the chase is on. But the group can't catch up without their talents. Fortunately, we have a new mane6. Party Favor makes a pair of binoculars with party balloons, because...um, science! Sugar Belle makes some snow pies (as long as they're not lemon snow pies), and breaks Starlight's cart. Starlight breaks the pass, but it's ok because balloons are like a 3D printer, they can do anything. Party Favor makes an ENTIRE BRIDGE with them, and the unnamed pegasus works it across. Mr. Diamond (I told you, I'm lazy) uses his ski power to block Starlight's path. The group gets their marks back, and Twilight remembers she has god-like magical powers. Starlight gets away, and the ponies decide to stay in the village.

So, the pacing of these episodes felt weird. I already mentioned that they tend to repeat a lot of dialogue and scenes, and it felt unnecessary. The climactic scene took place at the very end, which is weird because with all these new characters, you would at least expect an epilogue of some kind. I have a feeling they will be back. And Starlight will too. Remember, she had bigger plans than just taking control of a few ponies in a village. She wanted every pony to be under her spell. And think about it. Her power is beyond any other we've seen. She's weak, to a point, but she has the power to remove a ponies entire identity. And she doesn't have to steal their credit card to do so. I feel she's going to go the way of Trixie, finding a bigger power in order to achieve her goal. Whether or not she ends up reformed like other villains, or just vanish to the wayside is unclear. But she will be back.

And hey, we have a new mane6 now. Like all those people who discuss who they would be if six background characters were the "new group". We have new ponies for that. And I think they should have their own adventures. We don't have to have episodes centered around them, but we should see them on occasion and know that they're off helping the world themselves. It's like playing Dungeons and Dragons. Surely your party of five isn't the only people in the world capable of going off on an adventure. You're bound to see other "PC's" in your travels. These new ponies could be a new adventuring party.

So, how was it? It was good. With all it's problems, it had its humor, and it had a decent story. One with a lesson that's a great one to learn, though I'm unsure if kids will pick up on it. And there's no need for a big badass villain, or one with a more grand scale. First off, Starlight had ultimate plans, and we have yet to see those fulfilled. And second, this two-parter was meant more to setup the concept of the episodes this season. Instead of chasing after rainbows, they're getting directions from a map, and the writers have already said that we would be seeing more locations this season. Equestria Games felt like an episode that need to be more than one episode. This one COULD have been just one, and worked just as well. But, don't act like it's a bad thing. It's two episodes of pony in one week. After all that time with only Rainbow Rocks to hold us over, I think it was worth it.